I’m Awake!!!

1:20 am.

The other half was wheezing at just the right frequency that the mattress was resonating and amplifying the sound. I’ve been asleep for about 2 hours.

I briefly consider the application of the large fluffy pillow! Nah, I’m not sleep deprived enough to be able to carry off the role of distressed spouse for the cops. They’d all know I did it and knew what I was doing.

If I wake the other half up telling them to roll over because they’re snoring, I’ll get “I’m not asleep.”

I know if I move around too much the dog will wake up and want to go out.

I lay there trying to get back to sleep then realize now, I have to take a piss. DAMN!


I get out of bed, cold air hits my balls, and I suddenly have a swollen vulva where my balls used to hang. The dog is already heading down the hall to the back door.

When I open the back door, a breeze blows in that is so cold it would make the ice planet Hoth seem like a tropical paradise. I’m looking around for my Tauntaun.

I’m VERY awake! I’m also rethinking this whole house in the mountians thing. Maybe a house in Hawaii would be better.

Dog pacing outside looking for “The Spot”. He’s going to be a while, I head back to the bathroom and relieve myself. Grab a bathrobe and wait for the dog to finish.

1:50 am.

Dog finally ready to come back in.

Back to bed, but I’m awake. I guess that whole thing about looking at computer screens making it hard to sleep is for real. I was writing this on the iPad.

2:48 am.

I fall asleep.