This has been one of those weeks. There will be a few blogs I think over the next days, possibly hours but don’t hold your breath… This week has been a week of interruptions. Mind you any one of these interruptions is a minor event but the frequency and wild differences have added up to it being Wednesday as I started this blog… and in all likelihood the blog wont be posted until Thursday.
Today I tried to remount a blind in my front window.
This blind broke on Thursday last week. It was dropped off on Friday morning to be restrung It was picked up Monday and I tried to put it back up today. Well I succeeded in putting the blind back up.
This task was not as simple as you might think.
You’d be perfectly justified in thinking “what’s the problem you just snap it back into the hangers and that’s it.“
Well you don’t live in my world.
In my world you’d experience a scenario more like the tale of woe below.
I found that there was no way get the blind back in the window. The window has over time become trapezoidal in not one but two dimensions. Then I noticed during the windows transformation from a rectangle to trapezoid, all kinds of cracks have appeared in the drywall.
During these discoveries I wonder what’s going on. So I measure the blind then I measured the framing around the window, then I measured the window itself and found that the blind is about 3/4″ longer than the window. That would work just fine if the window opening wasn’t a trapezoid that was narrower at the top than at the bottom.
I reconfirmed several times that the blind which had been returned to me was in fact the correct blind. Standing there screwdriver in hand I sigh.
The recognition that this is in fact my lot in life I tromp downstairs for the Dremel
I spend the next hour & 1/2 carefully reshaping the endcaps shaving off thin bits of the plastic so that I can hopefully shove the thing back in the window. Finally, when the plastic endcaps are thinner than tissue paper and the unit still won’t fit in the window I start thinking of alternative avenues to my goal.
This shouldn’t be this hard, the blind had fit in the window previously and it sure as hell didn’t grow while it was at the manufacturer being repaired.
I’ve noticed that the blind will easily fit in the window opening that is nearest the room, and that it only starts to bind up when you get within 2 inches of the already mounted brackets.
I sigh… slump shouldered admitting defeat.
I tromp down stairs and bring up the big tool box and the DeWalt.
The new plan is to move the brackets closer to the room side of the window opening. The DeWalt unscrews the first bracket from the window with ease.
Beneath the bracket is the mess that the original “Installer” created. Pilot holes are a good thing, apparently the installer had never heard about pilot holes…
Tromping back down stairs to get the BIG CAN of spackle.
While I’m waiting for the spackle to dry I’m measuring and marking the new mounting spots. The DeWalt drills a nice clean pilot hole, then dies half way through driving the screw into the header. No problem, I grab the spare battery pack…
It’s dead too!
Sigh… (I’m starting to sound like Kif Kroker from Futurama)
I’m hungry. I look at the clock and … CRAP! It’s afternoon! Fine! Battery pack in the charger, Lunch on the counter. Then while I’m waiting for the DeWalt to be usable again, I’m cleaning and spackling all the cracks in the drywall around the window.
What the hell? I’ll vacuum and watch an episode of The X Files.
I realize I’ve been screwing around with this whole blind thing for about 4 hours and not getting anything that I needed to do, done. Little things like oh I don’t know… looking for a job perhaps?
Battery pack fully charged, I pop it in the DeWalt and drop the second one in the charger.
First bracket tightened, I move on to the second one. This time the screw will require a drywall anchor. For some reason the pilot hole completely misses wood. I drill a bigger hole and push the anchor into the drywall.
This anchor is my preferred type because it’s threaded and in general does less damage to the drywall as you’re mounting it and it also stays put very well because it’s not an expansion type anchor.
I begin slowly screwing it into the drywall and then there’s a “crack”, followed by the anchor disintegrating and creating a major hole in the drywall.
Oh! Guess what? I found the header above the window.
The anchor bound against the header and shattered. Lovely! My only option is to create an even bigger hole to drill the remains of the anchor out of the hole and then I’ll use another type of anchor. Why? You ask.
Well the problem is obvious after I drill the destroyed anchor out of the window. The position for this mounting bracket has the screws coming up in a seam between two 2x4s that make up the header. Oh hell now why would the builder not use a solid 2×4, its simple… the builder was a fucker interested in ripping me and the insurance company off in as many ways as possible during the rebuild.
The fucker succeeded, he knew he was closing his company and retiring as he was building my home. The only justice is that apparently right after his retirement his health took a turn for the worse. I’ve heard that retirement in some cases isn’t a good thing. Apparently getting up and going to work every day, plus the attendant moving around tends to keep you healthy. This guy went home and sat on his ass, I don’t know whats’ happened to him since I found out that my home warranty was essentially toilet paper.
I pull out a very nice plastic butterfly anchor (These are freakin great but tough to find sometimes and they can be pricy) Insert it in the very large hole, pack some spackle around it then mount the bracket. That anchor is never coming out of the drywall I pray to god I’ll never have to deal with it again. I know that I will at some point in the future be cursing myself for doing what I just did.
Maybe I’ll have sold the house and moved to Costa Rica by then… (Not holding my breath)
The third bracket mounts smoothly. Hey, I’m going to finish this “Simple” home project before sundown yippeee!
I snap the blind into the newly mounted brackets, It’s still a little tight and without the sculpting and shaving I did on the endcaps it still wouldn’t fit But it’s up there and it’s solid. Briefly I think with my luck this bitch will have lost it’s programming but I’ve been assured that will not be the case…
I step back to admire the fill and texture work I did around the window.
Yeah! It was a pain in the ass but totally worth it. The blind and the window look good and I’m enjoying the feeling of satisfaction at a job done.
I grab the remote for the blinds, select the channel that the blind is assigned to & push the down button.
… Absolutely nothing happens
The blind has lost it’s programming…
This means that either the motor has been damaged or the programming was simply flushed. Either way I’m going to have to take the dam thing down again.
I leave it where it is,
Walk across the room, pour myself a whiskey and move into fukitall mode.
I’ll deal with it tomorrow, I’ve got a meeting to attend and I need a shower… After I finish my drink…