"Hi" redux

A while ago I wrote a piece here titled “hi”

In that piece I explained how annoying it was when I’m on social media sites and I receive the “hi” message from strangers.

I’m probably going to just start replying to those messages with a link to that blog post.

It’s one thing if you know me and start a conversation like that. We already have something in common, it’s quite another thing if we don’t know each other.

Look at the scenario.

Person A Sends a message to person B


Person B gets an email or text notification that they have a message.

They stop what they’re doing, log on to the site where the message originated, navigate to the email and they read the mind bogglingly intelectual message from Person A.


Now Person B checks out the online profile of Person A.

Person B thinks “Hey they’re kind of cute” and despite the fact that the social media site has ample space for Person A to describe themselves and their interests they have refused to provide any information at all except the requisite gender and location.

What is Person B supposed to do? What response can be formulated? As I see it there are four options.

  1. Respond with “Hello, thank you for your message.” and hope that Person A can in fact carry their end of a conversation.
  2. Respond with an equally inane “hi”
  3. Respond with “Hello you’re cute, did you want to get together and fuck?” 
  4. Ignore messages from Person A
I’ve tried all four responses with varying results.
Oddly response #4 elicits the most interesting behavior. Person A continues to send messages that simply say “hi” over and over again until I block the moron.
Options #1 & #2 are about equally ineffective. Person A responds to each with a one to four word response. The response is usually chosen at random from the following list.
“hi”, “sup”, “what are you doing?”, “hows it hangin?”, “where are you?”, “what are you into?”, “stats”
These short responses go on and on until I simply can’t be bothered anymore. By the time Person A gets around to saying anything interesting I’m over them and no longer reading their messages.
At least the multiword choices demonstrate some grasp of the language. I personally find “Stats” offensive but it IS honest in that it’s obvious the sender is looking for a quick hookup.
Response #3 most often generates a distinctive silence. The honesty of “Stats” is apparently acceptable, but putting my desire into actual words is somehow too nasty.
I’m a man… I want to fuck, I want to shoot my creamy load… and why shouldn’t I be honest about that desire?

If you’re saying nothing more than “hi” you’ve left me with nothing to build a conversation on so why not cut to the chase? You want my dick and I’m willing to let you have it.

The most ironic bit of all this is, I’m listed as seeking friends and chat in my profile.

The people that most often send “hi” say they want to chat too. Perhaps my first clue is that these people can’t be honest enough with themselves about what they’re really wanting. Maybe I’ll change my profile to “Seeking Kinky SEX “

At least then the people contacting me might have a clear idea about what they’re after.
The problem is, that I really am looking for local potential friends…

I’m going to have to start hanging out at the local bar, at least then the person saying “hi” is prepared enough or drunk enough to respond with a sentence… or by paying for the drinks!