Amazing what we forget….

I’ve recently been reacquainted with something I’d forgotten about myself.

My libido is strongly tied to my self image…

I know, it seems obvious, but after spending too many years stressed out and too angry to feel like I had the time or the energy to actually take care of myself I guess I forgot about it.

Like a lot of things that I forgot about during the long ass commutes, and dealing with idiot bosses. I keep having these “Oh Yeah moments”

Since I’ve been Furloughed, I’ve been working a lot in the yard and I’ve had time to work out. Over the past 2 weeks I’ve started to see more obvious physical changes in my body. Now when I look at my naked ass in the mirror I’m not looking through the filter that allowed me to ignore things about my body I don’t like.

The filter doesn’t come on anymore because I’m enjoying seeing the changes and I’m getting visual feedback about my efforts paying off.

This isn’t meant to sound narcissistic, it’s just a mile marker in my acceptance of me and my acknowledgment that in fact hard work pays off.

I had a moment hit me last night.

I was bored and couldn’t sleep. Every man knows that’s an excellent recipe for a good old fashioned J/O session. I’m no exception and pretty soon I’m feeling pretty damn good even if I’m not sleeping.

There I am, stroking my dick edging myself and had been for about an 1 ½ hours at that point when I happened to glance in the mirror and saw myself… Really saw myself for the first time in years.

Yeah I still have a little more around the middle than I should, but the spare tire is shrinking. My pecs are firming up and my bicep/triceps are bulking out. My shoulder definition is starting to show and my legs are taking on more tone and definition. I looked at myself and thought damn! How had I missed those changes?

Then I felt proud, even sexy, desirable, and yes horny.

I guess that if you don’t like your appearance, and you’re always feeling tired and angry the effects are more insidious than you’d think.

In my case, those feelings make me feel like I’m unworthy of pleasure in the form of sex. It’s like I’m punishing myself. Actually I’m doubly punishing myself, I’m doing the crazy ass commute, putting up with all the corporate shit, AND I’m denying myself the simple release that sex can provide.

It had gotten to the point that my body would eventually just DEMAND I do something to relive the tension. 

But even then, I approached sex with myself or another person as a “Chore” akin to taking a dump… not as something that I really wanted to participate in. My body was doing it, my mind was just along for the ride as an unwilling voyeur.

As I’ve been more active, and getting stronger I’m much more interested in sex. When I’m lifting weights in the garage I’m watching porn. Seeing some of the muscular men in the films gives me incentive and a “Goal” state. 

Granted sometimes during a workout a hard dick is problematic but it always puts a smile on my face. So I’m not complaining.

These little remembrances and epiphanies have been good for me.

I’m getting back on track with my fitness goals, and have remembered some other things I wanted to work on.

Meanwhile I was looking at this mirror guy, Yep he was me… then I noticed something else about that guy…

He was happy… 

Sitting there 2 am, dick in hand and grinning back at myself with a happy feral gleam in my eye.

Yeah, my libido is coming back and I’m taking time to feed it.

After another look at myself, I took a deep breath & went back to stroking my dick… I was doing homework after all. Figured if I couldn’t sleep, I’d work on multi-orgasmic exercises. I kinda got a “F” for last nights session. I lost control and popped my load. 

Ahh well at least… I LIKE doing the homework!

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